Posts Tagged ‘home improvement’
Posted by cat5shuttersllc on June 19, 2014
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. —
Nearly 10 years after Hurricane Wilma lumbered through South Florida consumers across the state are finally going to stop paying the bill associated with that storm.
State officials on Tuesday agreed to end the 1.3 percent surcharge that is placed on most insurance policies, including homeowner and auto policies.
“This is good news for consumers,” said Jack Nicholson, chief operating officer for the fund that has been collecting the surcharge that some critics have labeled a “hurricane tax.”
The state was forced to place the emergency assessment on insurance bills after the backup fund used to help private insurers pay off claims ran out of money in the wake of Wilma. Wilma was the fourth storm of 2005 and the eighth storm that hit the state during a two-year period.
The Florida Hurricane Catastrophe Fund was forced to borrow a total of $2.61 billion to reimburse private insurers.
The assessment was initially expected to remain on insurance bills until July 2016. But the state was able to reach settlements with the last batch of insurers and has enough money left over to retire the bonds it issued.
The vote on Tuesday ensures that the assessment will no longer appear on policies renewed or issued on or after Jan. 1, 2015.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: 2014 Hurricane Season, Accordion Shutters, Aluminum Roll-Up Shutters, aluminum window shutters, Atlantic Hurricane Season, Bahama Shutters, Clear Storm Panels, Fabric Roll-Up Shutters, Florida Keys, home improvement, hurricane preparedness, hurricane storm protection, islamorada florida, key largo florida, Licensed and Insured, Marathon Florida, Monroe County Florida, ocean reef florida, Palm Beach County Florida, Shutter Companies, South Florida, Stainless Steel Security Screens, Storm Panel Hurricane Shutters, storm shutters, Tavernier Florida, Upper Keys, West Palm Beach, window shutters | Leave a Comment »
Posted by cat5shuttersllc on June 17, 2014
Rainfall induced flooding
The heavy rains associated with a tropical weather system are responsible not only for major flooding in areas where the storm initially strikes, but also can affect areas hundreds of miles from where the storm originally made landfall.
During landfall, it is not uncommon for 5-10 inches of rain to fall. If the storm is large and moving slowly, rainfall could be even more excessive. As the storm moves inland, and is downgraded to a tropical depression, the continued circulation, tropical moisture, and topography can contribute to copious amounts of rainfall.
Intense flooding also can occur from tropical depressions and storms that do not reach hurricane strength.
Storm surge is a rapid rise in the level of water that moves onto land as the eye of the storm makes landfall. Generally speaking, the stronger the hurricane, the greater the storm surge.
As a hurricane approaches the coast, its winds drive water toward the shore. Once the edge of the storm reaches the shallow waters of the continental shelf, water piles up. Winds of hurricane strength force the water onto shore.
At first, the water level climbs slowly, but as the eye of the storm approaches, water rises rapidly. Wave after wave hits the coast as tons of moving water hammer away at any structure on the coastline. A cubic yard of water weighs about 1,700 pounds.
The surge is greater if a hurricane’s track is perpendicular to the coastline, allowing the surge to build higher. The storm surge is also greater if the storm affects a bay or if it makes landfall at high tide. The greatest storm surge occurs to the right of where the eye makes landfall.
The winds of a hurricane range from 74 mph (65 knots) in a minimal storm to greater than 155 mph (136 knots) in a catastrophic one. Accurate readings of high wind gusts during landfall are difficult to obtain because anemometers (wind-speed measuring devices) at reporting stations can be ripped from their foundations.
Wind is responsible for much of the structural damage caused by hurricanes. High winds uproot trees and tear down power lines. The maximum winds from fast moving and powerful storms may remain high, even when the storm is well inland. Often this is actual wind speed combined with the speed of the storm.
Tropical cyclones also can trigger tornadoes. Each storm has a unique pattern of tornadoes whose frequency and occurrence is highly variable from one storm to the next.
Tornadoes spawned from hurricanes are more likely during an intense hurricane or one that is intensifying at or near landfall.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: 2014 Hurricane Season, Accordion Shutters, Aluminum Roll-Up Shutters, aluminum window shutters, Bahama Shutters, Clear Storm Panels, Fabric Roll-Up Shutters, Florida Keys, home improvement, HURICANE SHUTTER GUIDE, islamorada florida, key largo florida, Licensed and Insured, Marathon Florida, Monroe County Florida, ocean reef florida, Palm Beach County Florida, Shutter Companies, Stainless Steel Security Screens, Storm Catcher Screens, Storm Panel Hurricane Shutters, storm shutters, Tavernier Florida, Upper Keys, Weather, West Palm Beach, window shutters | Leave a Comment »
Posted by cat5shuttersllc on May 7, 2014
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During and after a hurricane, you may need supplies to keep your family safe and healthy. Remember that a hurricane could cut off your power and water supply. You also may not be able to drive because of damage to your car. Roads may be flooded or blocked.
That’s why it’s best to be prepared — stock up on everything you might need now. Here’s a checklist of what you need:
Food and Medicine
Clean containers for water
At least 5 gallons of water per person (which should be enough to last 3 to 5 days)A 3 to 5 day supply of food that doesn’t go bad (like canned food)Baby food or formula
First aid kit and instructions
Fire extinguisherBattery-powered radio
Sleeping bags or extra blanketsSupplies to make drinking water safe (like iodine tablets or chlorine bleach)Learn more about making drinking water safe.
Personal Care Products
Wet cleaning cloths (like baby wipes) in case you don’t have clean water
Tampons and pads
Make sure your supplies are stored together in a place that’s easy to reach.
Make an Emergency Car Kit
In case you need to leave quickly during a hurricane, always keep an emergency kit in your car, too. Make sure you include:
Food that doesn’t go bad (like canned food)FlaresJumper cables (sometimes called booster cables)MapsTools, like a roadside emergency kit Learn more about supplies to include in your first aid kit.
A first aid kit and instructionsA fire extinguisherSleeping bagsFlashlight and extra batteriesHaving a GPS — either in your car or on your smartphone — can help during an emergency too.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: 2014 Hurricane Season, Accordion Shutters, Aluminum Roll-Up Shutters, aluminum window shutters, Atlantic Hurricane Season, Bahama Shutters, Clear Storm Panels, Fabric Roll-Up Shutters, Florida Keys, home improvement, hurricane preparedness, islamorada florida, key largo florida, Licensed and Insured, Marathon Florida, Monroe County Florida, ocean reef florida, Palm Beach County Florida, Rolling Shutters, Shutter Companies, South Florida, Stainless Steel Security Screens, Storm Catcher Screens, Storm Panel Hurricane Shutters, Tropical Depression, tropical storm, Upper Keys, Weather, West Palm Beach, window shutters | Leave a Comment »
Posted by cat5shuttersllc on April 23, 2014
Know the Difference Hurricane Watch
Hurricane conditions are a threat within 48 hours. Review your hurricane plans. Get ready to act if a warning is issued, and stay informed.
Hurricane conditions are expected within 36 hours. Complete your storm preparations and leave the area if directed to do so by authorities.
Landslides have occurred in almost every state and can cause significant damage. The term landslide describes downhill earth movements that can move slowly and cause damage gradually, or move rapidly, destroying property and taking lives suddenly and unexpectedly. Most landslides are caused by natural forces or events, such as heavy rain and snowmelt, shaking due to earthquakes, volcanic eruptions and gravity. Landslides are typically associated with periods of heavy rainfall or rapid snowmelt and tend to worsen the effects of flooding. Areas burned by forest and brush fires are also particularly susceptible to landslides. Landslides generally happen in areas where they have occurred in the past. Learn about your area’s landslide risk. Landslides can also be referred to as mudslides, debris flows, mudflows or debris avalanches.Debris flows and other landslides onto roadways are common during rainstorms.Heavily saturated ground is very susceptible to mudflows and debris flows.Be aware that, generally, landslide insurance is not available, but that debris flow damage may be covered by flood insurance policies from the National Flood Insurance.
Our pets enrich our lives in more ways than we can count. They are members of the family. In turn, they depend on us for their safety and wellbeing. The best way to ensure the safety of your entire family is to be prepared with a disaster plan. If you are a pet owner, that plan includes your pets. Being prepared can help save lives. Emergency action plans for your family should include your animals
Coping with Power Outages Sudden power outages can be frustrating and troublesome, especially when they last a long time. If a power outage is 2 hours or less, don’t be concerned about losing your perishable foods. For prolonged power outages, though, there are steps you can take to minimize food loss and to keep all members of your household as comfortable as possible.
Energy Conservation Recommendations Turn off lights and computers when not in use.Wash clothes in cold water if possible; wash only full loads and clean the dryer’s lint trap after each use.When using a dishwasher, wash full loads and use the light cycle. If possible, use the rinse only cycle and turn off the high temperature rinse option. When the regular wash cycle is done, just open the dishwasher door to allow the dishes to air dry.Replace incandescent light bulbs with energy efficient compact fluorescent lights.
Make Water Safety Your Priority Swim in designated areas supervised by lifeguards.Always swim with a buddy; do not allow anyone to swim alone. Even at a public pool or a lifeguarded beach, use the buddy system!Ensure that everyone in the family learns to swim well. Enroll in age-appropriate Red Cross water orientation and Learn-to-Swim courses.Never leave a young child unattended near water and do not trust a child’s life to another child; teach children to always ask permission to go near water.Have young children or inexperienced swimmers wear U.S. Coast Guard-approved life jackets around water, but do not rely on life jackets alone.Establish rules for your family and enforce them without fail. For example, set limits based on each person’s ability, do not let anyone play around drains and suction fittings, and do not allow swimmers to hyperventilate before swimming under water or have breath-holding contests.Even if you do not plan on swimming, be cautious around natural bodies of water including ocean shoreline, rivers and lakes. Cold temperatures, currents and underwater hazards can make a fall into these bodies of water dangerous.If you go boating, wear a life jacket! Most boating fatalities occur from drowning.Avoid alcohol use. Alcohol impairs judgment, balance and coordination; affects swimming and diving skills; and reduces the body’s ability to stay warm.
For all your shutter needs call us at CAT 5 Shutters. We offer free estimates. We also do service on hurricane protection. Once your family is prepared make sure your home is well. Contact us toll free at 1-877-CAT-FIVE or visit us on the web at www.cat5shutters.net
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: 2014 Hurricane Season, all of palm beach, aluminum window shutters, Atlantic Hurricane Season, Bahama Shutters, Clear Storm Panels, Fabric Roll-Up Shutters, Florida Hazardous Weather..., Florida Keys, home improvement, hurricane, Hurricane Disaster Assistance, hurricane preparedness, hurricane storm protection, Licensed and Insured, Monroe County Florida, Palm Beach County Florida, roll down hurricane shutters, Rolling Shutters, secure door braces, Shutter Companies, South Florida, Stainless Steel Security Screens, Storm Catcher Screens, Storm Panel Hurricane Shutters, storm shutters, Storms, Tropical Depression, tropical storm, Upper Keys, Weather, West Palm Beach, window shutters | Leave a Comment »
Posted by cat5shuttersllc on April 15, 2014
Cat 5 Shutters LLC is located in the heart of Palm Beach County. We have shutters for every type of budget. For safety during hurricane season and a peace of mind.
Our Hurricane shutters are available in a wide array of styles, colors, and will add value to your home. So the question is what are you spending you tax return money on.. why not invest in your home.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: 2014 Hurricane Season, Accordion Shutters, Aluminum Roll-Up Shutters, aluminum window shutters, Atlantic Hurricane Season, Bahama Shutters, Clear Storm Panels, contractor in palm beach county, Fabric Roll-Up Shutters, home improvement, HURICANE SHUTTER GUIDE, Hurricane Door Protection, hurricane storm protection, Licensed and Insured, Rolling Shutters, Shutter Companies, Storm Catcher Screens, Storm Panel Hurricane Shutters, storm shutters, Weather, window shutters | Leave a Comment »
Posted by cat5shuttersllc on April 11, 2014
Plywood Panels?The first method that comes to mind immediately is, of course, plywood sheets. Well, if you have ever tried to protect your home from a hurricane by nailing plywood sheets over your windows, you know how troublesome that can be. They are difficult to handle, and difficult to install. That’s true even for a burly 250 lb guy; much more so for the average Joe. For women, it’s even more of a trouble, whether you try it yourself or find someone to help you. And, of course, plywood does not offer adequate protection against projectiles that may strike your home during a storm.
Other Shutter Panels or Systems?Hurricane panels, made from steel or aluminum, can give you protection, but they too can be heavy and difficult to put up. Plus, storing those panels when not in use means giving up space in your garage or storage shed. On the top end, more elaborate hurricane protection systems, such as aluminum accordian or rolldown shutters, are an option, but for many homeowners they can be cost prohibitive. And if you are a Do-it-Yourself homeowner, the installation of those systems can sometimes be beyond your jack-of-all-trades skills. There has to be an easier way for you to get hurricane protection for your home, right?
Hurricane Fabric Screens: A Better AlternativeCompare those hurricane protection systems to our simple, affordable, effective solution to the problem of hurricane protection. Our Storm Catcher hurricane fabric screens provide all the protection of other hurricane protection systems, but at considerable cost savings. Plus, at 8 ounces per square yard, they weigh a fraction of what other systems do. When you evaluate all options, we believe that you’ll agree: The Storm Catcher hurricane fabric screen system makes sense for you, the Do-it-Yourself homeowner.
Effective Protection that is Approved, Lightweight, and See-throughBlocking 97% of wind and rain, these extraordinary hurricane screens are made of a lightweight, geo-synthetic fabric that can protect buildings from hurricane force winds and flying debris. Because of the unique weave used in production, our hurricane fabric screens are translucent, allowing natural light to enter from the outside. This eliminates that dark, ‘closed-in’ feeling that you get with some other hurricane protection systems. This feature also enables you to see outside from inside the building.
Easy to Install, Easy to Store, Can Cover Any OpeningLess expensive and easier to install than other hurricane protection systems, such as accordion shutters or rolldown shutters, Storm Catcher hurricane fabric screens are ideal for protecting any size or shape window, as well as large openings such as lanais, storefronts and entranceways. Our hurricane fabric protection system is also a great way to cover garage doors, as an alternative to the costly option of installing a hurricane door. Storm Catcher hurricane fabric screens are virtually maintenance free and can be stored in a fraction of the space that other hurricane protection systems require. For larger orders, we even provide a breathable storage bag.
Installation: You CAN Do it Yourself!Because of the hurricane screen fabric’s light weight (8 oz per sq yd), it can be installed by almost anyone. Most applications require no special tools or heavy lifting. You have a choice of hardware, which can be purchased from us in addition to the screens. For most applications, whether attaching to a wood or concrete structure, “Panel Mates” will be the best and simplest option. PanelMates is a product of Elco Construction. These are also known as ‘concrete screws’, but work just as well in wood structures. These screws are secured into the substrate of the building, and have a protruding threaded post. The screen’s grommets go over the post and are secured with wingnuts. If you are fastening in concrete, you have the option of using “Flush Mount” anchors. These anchors are inserted into the concrete, flush with the wall surface. The screen is secured by sidewalk bolts that screw into the anchors.
Whatever hurricane protection you want you can contact CAT 5 Shutters, LLC at 1-877-CAT-FIVE or visit us on the web at www.cat5shutters.net. we offer free estimates and have all the latest and greatest products.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: 2014 Hurricane Season, Accordion Shutters, Aluminum Roll-Up Shutters, aluminum window shutters, Atlantic Hurricane Season, Bahama Shutters, Clear Storm Panels, Fabric Roll-Up Shutters, home improvement, Hurricane Intensity, Rolling Shutters, Shutter Companies, Stainless Steel Security Screens, Storm Catcher Screens, Storm Panel Hurricane Shutters, window shutters | Leave a Comment »
Posted by cat5shuttersllc on March 24, 2014
Keesler Air Force Base’s 10 WC-130J aircraft, known as the Hurricane Hunters, are being equipped with commercial Iridium satellite phone systems through Lockheed Martin. Keesler chief meteorologist Lt. Col. Jon Talbot told The Sun Herald the new system will allow for direct communication with both the air traffic control and National Hurricane Center.
“The problem we were facing was when we’d do the hurricane flying, we’re out there in the middle of the ocean in places we can’t communicate with air traffic control guys and they can’t talk to us.
“We tend to fly fairly low and a lot of times we’re not in their radar coverage, so they can’t see us and they can’t talk to us because we’re too low and all this stuff is line of sight,” Talbot said.
Talbot said the Hurricane Hunters often need to clearance to venture into a specific region to ensure another aircraft isn’t near, but can’t because their communication has failed.
He said it’s not uncommon for Hurricane Hunters to relay messages to control towers through other aircraft in the area.
“We would talk to a lot of the commercial airliners, or whoever is out there flying, and their pilots would relay the information. That’s a normal thing that happens all the time. That’s the way we typically had been doing it, but some places there is no one else out there flying or we’re out there at 2 a.m.,” Talbot said.
The new system will be a backup to the traditional radio communications, but it will ensure the line of communication isn’t severed during a mission.
Talbot said Lockheed Martin equipped the first of 10 WC-130Js last fall and ran tests to assure the new system wouldn’t interfere with existing equipment. He said Lockheed workers will arrive at Keesler in April to install the system on the remaining aircraft.
Hurricane season begins June 1.
So make sure your home is ready for the upcoming hurricane season. Contact CAT 5 Shutters LLC toll free at 1-877-cat-five or visit us on the web at www.cat5shutters.net. We offer free estimates and have a wide variety of hurricane products to fit any budget.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: 2014 Hurricane Season, Accordion Shutters, Aluminum Roll-Up Shutters, aluminum window shutters, Bahama Shutters, Clear Storm Panels, contractor in palm beach county, home improvement, Hurricane Door Protection, hurricane preparedness, islamorada florida, key largo florida, Licensed and Insured, Marathon Florida, Monroe County Florida, ocean reef florida, Palm Beach County Florida, roll down hurricane shutters, Rolling Shutters, secure door braces, Shutter Companies, South Florida, Stainless Steel Security Screens, Storm Catcher Screens, Storm Panel Hurricane Shutters, storm shutters, Storms, Tavernier Florida, Upper Keys, West Palm Beach, window shutters | Leave a Comment »
Posted by cat5shuttersllc on March 11, 2014
Get a list of discountsInsurance companies offer discounts to homeowners for improvements that make their homes a better risk. These include safety features such as indoor sprinklers, smoke detectors and dead bolt locks. Discount programs change frequently, and we can’t list all the possible discounts here. If you haven’t spoken to your agent within the past year or you’ve made a major home improvement, you may be missing out on significant discounts.
Raising your deductible—the portion of a claim that comes out of your pocket—is the easiest way to cut your insurance cost. Bumping your deductible from $500 to $1,000 can save you up to 25 percent on your premium. Raising it to $2,500 can save you 30 percent, and raising it to $5,000 can save you 35 percent or more. The downside, of course, is that you’ll be stuck with a bigger bill if you file a claim. But consider this: If you raise your deductible from $500 to $2,500 and your premium decreases by $500 a year, your savings will cover the deductible increase in four years. If you put those savings aside, you’ll have a cash cushion to pay the higher deductible. And after the first four years, you’ll save $500 every year without any extra financial risk. DIYers can often offset the impact of a higher deductible by doing part of a repair project themselves.
Replace washer hoses.Washing machine hoses that leak or even burst are a common cause of water damage. Some insurance companies offer a discount of up to 10 percent on your premiums if you replace the rubber hoses on your washing machine with no-burst stainless steel hoses (available at home centers and hardware stores). In 10 minutes, you could save five times the cost of the hoses on your next bill, but this is a smart move even if your insurer doesn’t offer a discount.
Drop additional structures coverageMost insurers assume your house isn’t the only building on your property. If you don’t have a stand-alone shed, garage or other structure on your property, remove this coverage and save yourself 5 percent.
Inform your agent about upgradesInsurance companies like to insure homes with newer plumbing and electrical systems as well as burglar alarms and sprinkler systems because these features reduce the risk of fire and water damage. If you make upgrades to any of these systems in an older home, let your insurance agent know. One homeowner we spoke with called her insurance agent to report some recent plumbing upgrades, and after a 15-minute conversation, the agent raised her overall coverage by $50,000 and reduced her annual premium by $400.
Think twice before filing a claimEvery time you file a claim, you risk higher insurance rates in the future. So in the long run, filing a claim can cost you more than you receive in a payout. Paying for a smaller loss yourself will almost always cost less than the premium increase you’ll face later. A good rule of thumb is don’t file a claim if it’s worth less than $1,000 over your deductible. Statistically, if you file two claims in a three-year period, or make claims related to maintenance issues such as a chronic leak or some missing shingles, you risk triggering a rate hike or worse. Your insurance company may even drop you completely. Just inquiring about a claim (without even filing it!) could raise your rates.
Make automatic payments.Many insurance companies will discount your premium 2 percent if you pay your premiums by “automatic withdrawal” from a bank account.
Beef up your garage door.Strong winds often wreck garage doors. So a tougher door might cut your premiums by 10 percent. You have two options: Install a new hurricane-resistant garage door, or use a retrofit kit with horizontal and vertical bracing to strengthen the existing door. A retrofit solution for a double-door garage can be ordered online or special-ordered from a home center. If you have a $1,000 premium, your payback would be about five
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: Accordion Shutters, Aluminum Roll-Up Shutters, aluminum window shutters, Atlantic Hurricane Season, Bahama Shutters, Clear Storm Panels, contractor in palm beach county, Fabric Roll-Up Shutters, Florida Hazardous Weather..., home improvement, hurricane, Hurricane Intensity, Hurricane Season, hurricane storm protection, Licensed and Insured, roll down hurricane shutters, Rolling Shutters, secure door braces, Shutter Companies, Stainless Steel Security Screens, Storm Catcher Screens, Storm Panel Hurricane Shutters, window shutters | Leave a Comment »
Posted by cat5shuttersllc on March 7, 2014
When it comes to many home improvement projects a lot of people are fearful or apprehensive about doing them on their own just because they have never done it. When it comes to installing your own shutters this doesn’t need to be the case, installing your shutters isn’t a difficult process at all. The main thing to remember here is to work with shutters that are specifically built for each individual window opening in unison with the detailed instructions from the manufacturer.
The first thing you need to do is measure the window opening where you want to install the shutters. Depending on whether you will mount them on the inside or the outside this is where you will need to measure.
If you are going to mount them on the window jamb on the inside of the window opening, which is the preferred method, you will need to know the width and height across the inside of the window framing. The reason this is the preferred method is because it makes for a cleaner installation and doesn’t require additional hang strips or frame strips, you just have to be sure the window you are working with is square and has a solid window jamb to screw into.
Next you need to determine the depth of the window by measuring from the front plane of the window back to the nearest obstruction that will obstruct the louvers and keep them from rotating. If you prefer, the manufacturer you bought your shutters from can also tell you the window depth for the style you ordered. Sometimes the manufacturer may suggest an alternative installation method to use in case the window is out of square or if it has a drywall opening without a solid wood jamb using rear hanging strips concealed behind the shutter panels that will allow adjustment up, down, left, and right for easier alignment.
If you choose to mount outside of the frame you will attaching to the wall or existing trim just to the outside of the opening of the window. Usually the frame will surround the shutter panels on three or four sides, depending on whether or not a lower sill exists.
Hanging strips are used if you decide to install a cafe type shutter style, the hanging strips will be screwed directly to the wall or trim, and the hinge of the shutters attached to the frame or the hanging strips.
The old adage of measure twice cut once applies here too, also be sure to use a steel tape for the most accurate measurement possible.
If you want to know more about window shutters or have a specific question, please contact Cat 5 Shutters.Toll free at 1-877-CAT-Five or visit us on the web at www.cat5shutters.net
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: 2014 Hurricane Season, Accordion Shutters, Aluminum Roll-Up Shutters, aluminum window shutters, Bahama Shutters, Clear Storm Panels, Fabric Roll-Up Shutters, home improvement, roll down hurricane shutters, Rolling Shutters, Shutter Companies, Stainless Steel Security Screens, Storm Catcher Screens, Storm Panel Hurricane Shutters, storm shutters | Leave a Comment »
Posted by cat5shuttersllc on February 26, 2014
We are inviting you to read a wonderful post written by Dave Berry:
I figured out what the Florida primary reminds me of: A hurricane.
Think about it: When a hurricane forms, at first you don’t pay much attention, because it’s far away and you don’t think it’s going to affect you. But then, as it comes closer and excitable local TV weather people start tracking it on radar, you become increasingly nervous. Finally you go to Publix and join the hordes of alarmed Floridians buying vital emergency supplies such as canned meat to replace the unused canned meat you bought during the previous hurricane.
Likewise, last year, when candidates started campaigning for the Iowa caucuses, you didn’t pay attention, because (a) Iowa is a distant place that you are always confusing with other flat soybean-infested states such as Kansas, and (b) nobody understands how the Iowa caucuses work anyway. Apparently even the Iowans don’t really understand them; they’re still trying to figure out who won this time around, with the current front-runner being Gerald Ford.
But then, after Iowa, the candidates moved to New Hampshire, which is a little closer to Florida. Then they moved to South Carolina, and suddenly the horrible truth hit you: They’re coming HERE.
This is where my hurricane analogy breaks down. Because when we know a hurricane is coming, we wisely prepare for it. But when a major political campaign is coming — even when we have plenty of warning — we sit around like morons and let it slam directly into us.
How can you protect yourself from a presidential primary? I’ll tell you. As soon as you know that a campaign is going to hit Florida, you should go to Home Depot and buy sheets of plywood three-quarters of an inch thick. You should take these home, cut them to size, and then, using a hammer and nails, fasten them firmly to every TV screen in your house. You should also fill your bathtub with water, add about a cup of bleach, and drop in all your radios.
These simple steps will protect you and your family from the toxic spew of political attack ads that run nonstop on all media outlets, so that no matter what channel you change to, you hear sneering announcers telling you one appalling thing after another:
“…can we really trust Mitt Romney, a Massachusetts liberal who…”
“…bloat-faced beltway insider Newt Gingrich drank champagne while thousands of Florida homeowners lost their…”
“…a Massachusetts socialist who…”
“…raked in millions from lobbyists while Florida homeowners were selling their kidneys to pay for…”
“…apparently wears some kind of secret cult underwear…”
“…CLAIMS he never performed a human sacrifice on behalf of Fannie Mae, but can we really…”
“…a Massachusetts communist who fought for Fidel and…”
“…CLAIMS he never bludgeoned any of his wives to death with a hatchet, but can we really…”
And so on. I think you’ll agree that the destruction of your household electronics is a small price to pay for reducing your family’s exposure to these ads. Another option is to call FPL and ask them to send out a crew to cut off the power to your house.
The main thing is, you need to have a plan, because it’s only a matter of time before we get nailed again. Finally, we should remember that even though this primary campaign is leaving Florida, millions of innocent Americans still lie directly in its path. We should do what we can to help them. I for one am willing to donate a large quantity of canned meat.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: 2014 Hurricane Season, aluminum window shutters, Atlantic Hurricane Season, Bahama Shutters, Clear Storm Panels, Fabric Roll-Up Shutters, home improvement, hurricane storm protection, Licensed and Insured, roll down hurricane shutters, Rolling Shutters, secure door braces, Shutter Companies, Stainless Steel Security Screens, Storm Catcher Screens, Storm Panel Hurricane Shutters, storm shutters, window shutters | Leave a Comment »